The Collar

 

我猛敲餐桌,大吼:“我受夠了!

我要走!

憑什麼,我整日哀歎又低落?

我的人生我做主,通達如道路,

悠閒如清風,寬敞如穀倉。

難道繼續作奴僕?

我豈不是顆粒無收?

地裡唯有荊棘,讓我受傷流血,

從無豐盛果實,助我恢復元氣。

沒錯,有酒,

不過我連連歎息酒桶已見底;

曾經,有糧,

不過我淚流不止田地已淹沒。

難道一年過去,我只能失落?

我當真沒有榮耀冠冕?

沒有燦爛鮮花?沒有喜慶花環?盡都枯萎?

白白浪費?

我的心哪,並非如此;仍有果實,

你且有雙手。

用加倍的歡愉

彌補每個悲嘆之日;放下善惡之辯,

那是敗興之舉。掙脫囚籠,

脫下塵沙長袍,

那些織就它的想法全都微不足道,無非是繩索,

要緊緊套住你,強迫你,牽扯你,

做你的戒律,

趁你閉上眼、看不見。

讓開!當心;

我要走。

招呼死亡露頭;把恐懼綁牢。

那奮起不做奴僕的人,

那竭力滿足自我的人,

心甘情願擔重擔。”

我怒不可遏,聲討之勢

愈發狂野,

此時一聲呼喚猶然響起:“孩子!”

我應聲道:“天父。”

(拙譯)

这是赫伯特最有名的一篇了,可我纳闷,为什么在google上搜索这首诗的中译,译名不是《衣领》就是《领结》,可这里指的是负在颈项上的轭,是圣经中很经典的一个比喻和意象。

 

前部分诗人以发飙的口吻,倾倒自己的不满和忿恨如同疾风骤雨,颇有一点约伯的风格,但是完全没有约伯的风骨。约伯是辨明自己公义不应承受不白之冤,而这首诗里呈现的则纯粹是叛逆,本质上更像浪子回头比喻里的小儿子。

 

既然是对话,那么诗人的谈话对象是谁?从第17节看出来,诗人在和自己的心对话。身处一个主仆的关系中,诗人为自己没有鲜花掌声和成就而忿忿不平,于是怂恿自己的心造反。先描绘当下的苦境,把苦毒如同垃圾一般曝露出来;再勾画蓝图,诱使自己的心不分辨,不思考,用化了妆的血气当作勇气,在愤怒中把自我的需要抬到绝对高度,一切都臣服于其下,包括诗人自己,也成为了满足自己需要的工具。直到最后,上帝发出邀请,点醒他要如何看待自己作为人的本质——不是功能,而是关系。

 

The Collar

By George Herbert

 

I struck the board and cried, “No, more;

I will abroad!”

What, shall I ever sigh and pine?

My lines and life are free, free as the road,

Loose as the wind, as large as store.

Shall I be still in suit?

Have I no harvest but a thorn

To let me blood, and not restore

 

What I have lost with cordial fruit?

Sure there was wine

Before my sighs did dry it; there was corn

Before my tears did drown it.

Is the year only lost to me?

Have I no bays to crown it,

 

No flowers, no garlands gay? All blasted?

All wasted?

Not so, my heart; but there is fruit,

And thou hast hands.

Recover all thy sigh-blown age

On double pleasures; leave thy cold dispute

Of what is fit and not. Forsake thy cage,

Thy rope of sands,

Which petty thoughts have made, and made to thee

Good cable, to enforce and draw,

And be thy law,

While thou didst wink and wouldst not see.

Away! Take heed;

I will abroad.

Call in thy death’s head there; tie up thy fears.

He that forbears

To suit and serve his need,

Deserves his load.”

But as I raved and grew more fierce and wild

At every word,

Methoughts I heard one calling, Child!

And I replied, My Lord.

 

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